Forlorn State of Affairs

I am a grief-stricken lady indeed. I have seen my good friends posting their minds on social media while they are busy sipping juice from undisclosed locations. From such an undisclosed location, I am also laying it bare for the public to realize that it is a heinous crime against humanity to convey negative information they are not very sure about to the fiancees of their allies.


Some grapevine spreaders happen to be my very good sidekicks and I wonder why they have compounded with this group of rogue friends to form this poisonous conglomerate. I am yet to fathom why one can’t approach me for us to bang our celebral cortex and allign our thoughts when such issues arise. I prefer one to come for us to reason together when he or she smells a rat in my relationship before running to my prospective partner to describe how crude that smell was. If one feels like I am behaving like a person who is not in a relationship, I opine that he/she approaches me for a kibitz in regard to such a pertinent issue. I may not have adequate experience on relationship matters and marriage stuff so when one sees me doing anything contrary, he/she should correct, rebuke or teach me as a good friend who wants the best of me. Of course I will heed to that advice if it will conform to my ideologies and my faith.
About the melancholic mood I am in, its true I am in doldrums and hence eminently covet a word of encouragement from any counselor out there. I am low-spirited because of what my so called confidants do. I am aware of a number of them who always find joy in taking wrong information to my fiancee. My worry is that these people are still in my friends’ circle and they pose a calamitous threat to my family in future. This is not a girly reaction because I am very sure that an honourable gentleman, including my big brother Musakhulu himself would not tolerate associates who always carry wrong information or allegations regarding his girlfriend to him.
My fiancee is amongst such men and has of late been wondering about it. Its not that I am terribly afraid of breaking up. I actually know that I know that I love my man and I do not not know him very well. In simple language, I love my guy and I know him very well.
I therefore  decided to jump out of the yacht known as the status quo and break that jinx that every romantic couple adhere to while dating. I shall therefore not work out my relationship the way others do. I will not post his photos in the social media to confirm that I love him and neither shall he. I shall not post our selfies on the internet when we are together chewing goat ribs in a choma zone but be sure that I have them in my gallery. Infact, I have set some as my wallpaper, screenlock and homescreen on the face of my gadget. I shall not post flirty texts on facebook or make sure that I like whatever he posts even if the post doesn’t make sense. I may not necessarily save his contact with the sweetest name ever or call him such names for the public to hear (I am comfortable in calling him my potato which he retaliates by calling me kangaroo). I may not hold his hand when we shall be heading to church or force him to take me out for dinner because I am not a girl but a lady.
They say girls rock in clubs but we ladies go to pray or do business to make money instead of clubbing. Infact, such have deleted the term clubbing in their vocabulary. At the same time, I shall never post threats or semi-nude photos on someone’s Whatsapp account as a way of keeping him or her off my man. I am born again and I cannot stoop that low. I am not a socialite like Vera Sidika or Kim Kardashian to post my body for people to see. To add on that, I am an usher in church and a responsible aunt. I therefore have nephews, nieces and churchmates on facebook!


My in-laws are also techno-savvy. I wonder what will click in their minds when they bump their eyes on some private stuff I would have posted on social platforms!
Therefore, somebody should realize that it is highly cataclysmic and regrettable to spread grapevine to my prospective spouse.
Somebody somewhere may decide to commit a fallacy by erroneously reasoning that I am trying to fight tooth and nail for my man not to be snatched away. Sorry because I don’t feel insecure at all. I know God is always working everything out for me. I always pray for him and for myself because I don’t want a heartbreak. At the same time, I pray that I may be strong if (God forbid) he breaks my heart because I have never thought of heartbreaking him. But I love him, and so much do I love him that I do not want to lose him. I always tell him if he shall feel like breaking it up, he should do it before we get married. After all, I have broken three relationships and I don’t regret because by the grace of God, I gave my body to none of those men even when some (whom I later realized were just after my body) really tried to have that illegal pie! I am not worried at all. Inasmuch as I love him so much, I am also aware that we can break up even now because firstly, we are yet to walk the aisle and secondly, he is a mortal man and not God. Only my papa in heaven is a hundred percent trustworthy. I will absquatulate when I confirm anything of him that threatens my physical or spiritual life. To add on the above, I can break up with him if to mention but a few, he backslides,if  I find out that he’s cheating on me, if he develops a negative character of telling lies, if by any chance he shall be HIV positive or if his deals are like Kanyari’s or Mugo’s!

I am down in dumps because of this ally who uses our long distance relationship and our soft personalities as his tool to wedge a rift between us. He has been telling my husband-to-be that he is not of my type because I come from a humble background. He always incites him that my siblings shall depend on him to school, feed and clothe them. Its highly pernicious for him to get to an extent of lying that I don’t know how to cook ugali like my in-law Lupita Nyong’o. Who in our county wearing a skirt, a weave or wig on her head apart from Lupita can’t cook ugali and hauhau for as little as twenty men? Who amongst our ladies can’t prepare some fried omena sandwiched between a dried ngege and a mbuta to serve her mother-in-law when she visits her mother in our village at the lakeside?
My heart shall not contend with these so called male and female cohorts or call them brothers and sisters because I am unapologetic about delinking them from my chain of bosom buddies.
Its utterly a betrayal when my compatriot delivers a package of allegations about me to him just because he recently approached me and I refused to  enter his box. This is because I didn’t love him from the word go. Alleging that I have ever aborted is seeking a curse on himself. Yapping that I am both a divorcee and widowed because my ex dumped me and later died of blood cancer just makes him a too-too man. Because he never knew of the disease my ex succumbed to, he tells my man that I am HIV positive because the daily use of ARVs have made me beautiful, hot and plump!  He goes on to verbally diarrhoea that I may be pregnant of my ex-boyfriends child. Ok. Is he trying to say that people are now too digital that others are getting pregnant airborne? Has pregnancy become like flu? I mean getting pregnant not like Mary via the Holy Spirit as the good book says, but through WiFi or bluetooth? It is extremely catastrophic and devastating to mention such to one’s spouse-to-be. The friend informs my man that I was seen holding hands with someone of the opposite sex somewhere in Malindi yet I have never been there since I was promulgated into this world!
On the other hand, it is indeed a sad state of affairs when one can use the Safaricom’s Storo bonus granted to her just to call my man and poison his mind of how devilish I am. It is heart breaking and ruinous to state that I pretend to be a good woman by going to church yet I always position myself strategically in church so that I may be approached by every species of men. This lady friend retorts that I am an expert in eyeing new brothers who join our church or those that are outsourced to help in playing the keyboard or the bass guitar. I feel sick at heart and weep uncontrollably when it wafts into my ears that she always claims that I have no calling in the church ministry because I can’t preach like her or sing like Don Moen or pray like that mighty prophetess from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
It’s in itself kiddish to run to him and report that she popped her eyeballs in my phone, scrolled through my inbox, gallery and phonebook thinking that she would find some exhibit to accuse me. Unfortunately, she only found some ungodly songs sang by Willy Paul, Bahati and Jimmy Gait as her tangible evidences.
The same lady has gone to an extent of explaining how I have been taking the second generation concoctions recently banned by Man Unye behind his back from the time we were in college. She confidently retorts how I have been smoking some imported weed from Jamaica containing bhang with other male friends from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. She says that I was a beneficiary in the College’s Exchange Programme by interacting with all males from majuu. Couldn’t she realize that I did a course in Hospitality Management that offered me a chance to interact with them?

On the other hand, my fiancee is a doctor and you know how busy doctors are. I am here to openly declare that I already know all of you and I am publicly forgiving you. I have forgiven this other in advance before she comes to ask for it. This is because she tried to sedate my affianced with malicious information that I am a married woman because I posted a photo of a two year old kid
who had lovely eyes like mine on instagram. It’s well.


I am not a good  fighter therefore I will fight her not. Mum never trained me in such because I lost terribly the last time I fought. I was flogged by a girl who was promulgated into this world five years after I was!
Anyway, I will still forgive this other friend who decided to book a ticket to my fiancee’s castle and incite him about my character. Sorry because I know him. His schemes are unsustainable. I am out of sorts because he has been trying to sow discord between us in regard to our hard-earned Kenyan drachma. I mean someone telling my potato that I earn millions and misuse my money. How does my payslip concern him? After all, its my money and I am entitled to use it the way I want. He also decided to report to my betrothed that I spend the money he supports me with in importing designer clothes from Malaysia just to please other men. He tells him that he is wasting his finances on somebody he’ll not marry. Therefore, does he think that by my man saving that pesa shall help pay teachers? Of course not. My fiancee feels nice when he sees me dressed decently before people and that is the reason why he does import them for me. Period.


For this Canadian acquaintance of mine who was still researching on what to gift him for im to

all into her trap because she is his workmate, let her keep on trying. That lady thinks that she can procure his love with those gifts she’s always purchasing and forcing him to accept. I will not tell the public that those forcefully-granted gifts including the money she has sambazad him always end up furnishing my house. I have enjoyed the credo she’s been sending him and I am encouraging her to keep up. Let her keep granting him those gifts and make it rain on him. As a matter of fact, let the dollars burry and suffocate him. If she really wants my man to carry her into his heart, then let her buy him one the non-carcinogenic Bungoma wheelbarrows for him to carry her with during that ideal wedding with him in Canada!


I am also aware of all these evil schemes because my affianced tells me the nitty gritty of every conversation and messages he has been receiving from her on Whatsapp . He is already aware that she has been doing her level best to win his heart by colliding us. How selfish it is to compete with your fellow lady for a man’s heart!
Another one has also been his best lady friend, whom he respects so much. Yes, he’s been respecting her as a woman of God because they serve together in the Outreach ministry in Church. Unfortunately, her tactical move to outreach his heart has made him dilute that respect. I don’t want to say that he indeed deleted her contact from his iPad. I also think that it will be prudent for me not to mention that he always says that she is too young for him to marry her. For more than a dozen times, they have found themselves at loggerheads in Outreach meetings. How she has been reasoning out when they are in disagreement, during troubleshooting or brainstorming on church matters has made him to conclude that she is a young girl who oughts to grow up. She is too emotional and has on several occasions busted into tears when her opinions were not considered weighty enough to be acted upon. At the same time, I am also aware of the one who is always pestering him to dump me because I am a recent convert. I know that she longs to hear that he left me for her sister. Allow me open up these two facts: I got born again five years ago. I don’t understand how I am a ‘recent convert’ unless Oxford dictionary decided to change the definition and meaning of ‘recent’ to coincide with ‘new’. Secondly,
even if my betrothed decides to unwife me, he’ll never date her sister because she is too old for him (I am just repeating my man’s words about her), too skinny to match his big body and too arrogant to submit to him. Lastly, induced love is something he hates from his core because the repercussion is evident in his big brother’s marriage. It only worked for seven months after a colourful expensive wedding and the ‘induced love’ that they had became sick and disappeared like jehovah Wanyonyi and was confirmed to have died later (they filed a divorce case after less than a year).
Therefore, I value friends and cherish each individual that God has connected me with.


I beseech these other cunning friends by God’s mercies to stop hunting with the hounds and running with the hare regarding our friendship. It is heartbreaking.  They should just trust God for their spouses-to-be and pray for those who have decided to step out into the battlefield of familyhood. They should stop talking ill of their friends and correct them when they go wrong instead of accusing them before their betrothed!!

Muthee Musakhulu

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